I'm a stress-case

I'm pretty sure I've written about this topic before, but I'm just gonna do it again because it's been on my mind a lot lately. 

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I like to go back through all of my old pictures from high school and college. I look at the girl in those pictures and remember how carefree, fun, and not so stressed out I was. Those were the good old days. I feel like every child I have had has taken a little piece of that fun person and turned me into an anxious stress-case. I'm not saying it's their fault, because it's totally not! I don't know what my problem is, but becoming a mom has magnified my neurotic need to control everything and has given me extreme anxiety. I worry about the lamest things, like if my kids are bugging the people around me or being too loud at any point in the day or that they are going to ruin their clothes or lose their shoes. Good gracious, they're kids! Of course they are bugging people in the grocery store and being too loud in church! That's what kids do! Loosen up, lady! At least that's how I wish I could think. That's the worst part about all of this: I know exactly what I'm doing and I want to chill out and not be so uptight, but I just can't seem to do it! Some days I think I need some Xanax or something.

So, I start beating myself up because I'm this uptight, not fun mom who is always shushing my kids, but then I think about the things I deal with each day and realize that there is a reason I'm so crazy! Nearly every night/early morning I am woken up by the stealthiest little two-year-old who climbs out of his crib and comes into our room. I feel his little hands start to climb the bed or I just sense that he is there and I open my eyes to see his huge eyes starting at me over the side of the bed. That alone is enough to make someone have anxiety! I can't tell you how many times during the day I say the phrases, "Don't hit your brother!" "Stop biting!" "Don't lay on your sister!" "Stop poking Hayley's eyes!" "Stop crying or you're going to puke!" Or something to that effect. When you are trying to keep 3 small humans alive you have to have constant vigilance. I guess when you only have "alone time" after 8:00 at night (and by that time all I want to do is crawl under my covers and go to sleep, myself) you kind of start to forget who you were before you lived your life for your kids. Pretty much everything I do, aside from photography and writing this little bliggity blog, revolves around them. How do moms of multiple children not turn into crazy, neurotic, anxious, control freaks? Seriously. I really want to know! 

I want my kids to think I'm a nice, fun mom. Not a mean, strict mom who never lets them do anything they want to do. Some days I do a really good job and we build forts and play tag and eat way too much junk food! But other days, I just go through the motions of the day, waiting for bed time. This might be wishful thinking, but I hope that having at least one kid in school will relieve some of this stress (I know it will bring on a whole new type of stress from the school work and after-school activities) since I will only have two, then one, then no kids at home during the day. 

Or maybe I should just take a Xanax and cool out!